


Candy Cane Kisses

by Chicki



Category: The L Word (TV 2004)
Genre: Circa 2007, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:08:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27548077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chicki/pseuds/Chicki
Summary: Tina invites Bette and Jodi to L.A. to spend Christmas with a young Angelica.  Won't it be a surprise when Bette arrives alone, and is given the chance to reminisce about past holidays and spend some quality time with her daughter and her former lover...can Christmas wishes really come true?
Relationships: Tina Kennard/Bette Porter
Comments: 45
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has a sequel which follows titled "Mistletoe Kisses."

CHAPTER 1

As soon as the light turned green and I was able to proceed into the store parking lot, I was once again reminded that the holiday was most certainly upon us. I always wondered why the grocery store could remain so busy on Christmas Eve. In the past, when Tina and I had been together celebrating Christmas, we always had our grocery shopping done at least four days before this day, to avoid the busy hustle and bustle. This year, my heart was a little lost. Perhaps it was because it was the first year that I wasn’t at least living close to Angelica as the season approached, not to mention the other things that had preceded my trip. I tried to get back to L.A. at least once a month to see her, but the weekend would always pass so fast, and I hardly had the chance to really feel that we spent enough time together. I had been thinking more and more about Angelica, and how much I was missing out on. When I first considered moving to New York, to be with Jodi, I guess I had become accustomed to limited time with Ange. I felt that if I could have gone from having her in my life on a daily basis, to having shared visitation, that I could somehow adapt to monthly visits. As it was, it was harder than I thought it would be.

It was only a few weeks ago that Tina had called and asked if Jodi and I had any holiday plans. I wasn’t prepared to explain that Jodi and I had decided to mutually part ways, and weren’t together anymore. When we had decided to, I knew it was the best thing for both of us, but that didn’t stop me from submerging myself into a deep level of self reflection. What was I really looking for when Jodi and I had gotten together? I knew she wasn’t completely accepting of children, which was something I loved so much. I guess, as I watched Tina move on, I just wanted to feel something again. What I sought to have with Tina, had been denied and rejected, and so by the time she had decided to live with Henry, I had forced myself to accept that she and I were really over. While I did, I still craved all those wonderful feelings of being in love. I wanted to feel desired again. I wanted to feel my senses come alive when I walked into a room to find my lover’s eyes undressing me. I just wanted to feel again in general. The few spontaneous sexual encounters that I had between Tina and Jodi, didn’t come close to fulfilling a thing for me, except a simple sexual release. The stint with the student was crazy and an example of poor judgment on my part, not to mention how lucky I was that it didn’t come back to bite me. The truth was, one night stands were just not my thing, beyond just a fuck. What I wanted, was to be in a monogamous relationship. I guess I just had to figure out how I was going to make that happen, because sitting back and letting it happen, didn’t prove to work well in the past either.

Though I wasn’t pleased to find the car rental had messed up my online reservation, the smaller car was proving to have a bigger advantage, for I was able to squeeze between two cars that I wouldn’t have been able to had I gotten the mid-sized car that I had initially reserved. I grabbed my purse and pushed my sunglasses up on top of my head before exiting the car and making my way into the busy supermarket. I normally would never have even given this a thought, to head into what I knew would be a zoo of people, but I was going to surprise Tina by picking up the ingredients needed to make some candy canes. Our first Christmas together, was the first time I had given the recipe a try, and what a surprise it was to both of us, when it came out perfect. The thought of making them again, and having Angelica sample them was something I was actually really looking forward to.

#

While Angelica was sitting in the carriage, she was determined to get the package of animal crackers opened that Tina had placed beside her, while her mother was preoccupied comparing the nutritional information between the 1% and 2% milk. “Mommy…. open.” Tina ignored her, while Angelica became more frustrated. By the time Tina had turned to place the milk that she selected into the basket, Angelica had ripped the bag open, and the crackers had flown in every direction.

“Uggggh! Angelica…what are you doing?” Tina bent down and started to pick the crackers up from the floor. As she did this, Angelica started eating the ones that had still remained in the small bag and watched Tina as she cleaned the mess. “I brought some of your snacks with me,” she said as she finished picking up the last cracker. She stood in one place looking around as to where she could throw the dirty ones. With little to choose from, she walked a few feet from the carriage, and took a clear plastic bag from the bakery which were meant for bagels, and placed them inside. She tied it and placed it in the basket out of Angie’s reach. “Okay little one, now we have to head over to get us some butter. “

#

I had gotten just about everything I was going to need, except for some butter. I was sure that Tina probably had some, but to play it safe and not have to return to this crazy place later, I decided I would pick up a package. I went to the refrigeration section in the middle of the store, where the butter had been moved while they were completing their renovations. The temporary refrigeration system allowed people to open the glass door from both sides. As I opened the door to reach in for the butter, there were only a few Land O’Lakes left, way in the back. 

#

Tina wasn’t that surprised to find the butter flying off the shelves. There were a number of empty spots in the front, which would require her to reach deep to grab from only a few that were left in the back. “Wow, these are going like hot cakes Angie,” Tina said while she opened the glass door.

Angie watched as her mother reached towards the back, to select one of the Land O’Lakes. She had just placed her fingers around one of the boxes, when she felt a slight tug, followed by it completely slipping from her fingers. She bent down and peered in where the box was that she had been reaching for, and was able to see straight through to the other side, where she saw someone’s black slacks as they continued by. “Hmmph…the gall. Well, at least there’s another one,” Tina whispered to herself. 

Angie was keeping fairly quiet, enjoying her crackers while Tina took one last look at the list she had made. “Angelica, I think that’s it.” She looked at her watch, concerned that she wouldn’t get back to the house before Bette arrived from the airport. “Let’s hope the checkout lines aren’t horrendous, or Momma B is going to be waiting outside for us.” Tina leaned forward and kissed Angelica on top of her head before heading over to the express checkout line.

#

I couldn’t believe how long the lines were as I approached the registers. All the lights were lit, so at least they were doing the best they could to keep things moving along. I quickly scanned the items, and realized I could head over to the last register at the end, which was the 12 items or less line. 

#

As Tina thumbed through the tabloid magazines at the checkout, Angelica started to smile. Although only two years of age, and not in continuous contact with Bette, she was one sharp little girl who was very familiar with those people she adored. Her body language changed the moment she saw Bette approaching. She started to grin and put her hand out, offering an animal cracker.

Tina looked from the magazine to her daughter, and smiled as she noted the cute grin on her face. She then spotted her outstretched arm, and hand that was holding the cracker out. As she turned, it was then she spotted that the object of Angie’s intrigue was Bette. Tina’s smile grew wider. “Hey, It’s Momma B.”

I looked from my darling daughter, to the woman who even after almost a year, I couldn’t shake from my life. The moment I saw her, I felt my heart beat fast. My monthly visits back home to visit Angelica usually did that, but something about not being attached now, and the spirit of the holiday season, I guess just warmed me even further. “Tee, what are you two doing here?” 

“I could ask you the same thing,” Tina said, offering up even more of that familiar smile. “You never liked hitting the stores on Christmas Eve.”

I hated when we spoke of us in the past tense. But, that was what we were…the past. I kissed Angelica on the cheek as I took the cracker she was offering. “Thank you boo. Mmmm….it’s good.” I looked down at her carriage. “I see you didn’t get all your shopping done ahead of time huh?”

Tina looked at the items she had in her basket. I wondered if she was thinking the same thing I was, that when we were together, there wasn’t a Christmas we shared together, that we didn’t make sure our grocery shopping was all set, days before. How strange it was that we both would be in the store, on Christmas Eve, doing just the opposite. “I suppose I’ve lost that ability to get some things done in a more structured way,” she replied. I wondered if that lack of structure was something she now welcomed, or had missed at all.

“Well, structure has it’s pro’s and con’s I suppose.”

“It does.” Tina watched as Angelica started to giggle at Bette, who had begun to make some funny faces at her. “I was just getting a little panicked when I was looking at the time, figuring I might not be at home when you got there.”

“I was going to call you if I was running real late. The care rental had messed up my reservation, and that delayed me a little bit. I ended up with a small Toyota.”

“Oh boy, I hope you’re traveling light,” Tina joked. She knew that I liked to have room when traveling.

“Well I had no choice but to make it work. I had Angie’s gifts, which took up a bit of room.”

“Yeah, I was going to suggest that maybe you wait until you got here to get her something, so you wouldn’t have to travel with it.”

Angelica was making quite a fuss, not liking it one bit that she wasn’t getting all my attention. I reached for her, and picked her up from the carriage. The whole time she wouldn’t release the bag of animal crackers. “I thought the same thing, and probably would have done that if I had come a day earlier. I just didn’t want to hit those stores too. I’ll have to wrap them at your place if you don’t mind?”

Tina watched as Angelica smiled at Bette. She always adored the interaction that they shared, and unknown to Bette, after she watched her move on with Jodi, she had been making silent confessions to herself, about how much she would have loved for Bette to be in Angelica’s life, full time. 

“Tina?”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I was asking if I could wrap Angie’s gifts at the house.”

“Oh certainly. I have a few I need to wrap myself.”

Tina looked at my basket. “I just realized something. Why on earth would you stop at the grocery store after your flight? I told you I had everything all set.”

“I know, but I wanted to make something special.”

Tina’s eyes looked at all the ingredients, then looked back at me. “No way! Candy canes. My god, it’s been so long since you made them.”

“I know. I thought I would surprise you both. I think Angelica will love them. Don’t you ?”

“Absolutely. When will you make them?”

“Maybe later tonight?”

“That’s wonderful.”

#

“I cannot wait to see Bette,” Alice said to Dana as she sampled Dana’s cookies.

“Hey, don’t be taking any of them.”

“Like they are going to know there’s one missing.”

“Al, you know I don’t like when you do that. Go lick the damn bowl.”

Alice arched a brow. “You know what I would like to be licking don’t you?”

Dana smirked as she looked at Alice slowly place the last piece of cookie into her mouth. “You are such a dog sometimes.”

“I know, but you like dogs.”

Dana laughed. “That just sounded wrong.”

“I know, it did didn’t it?” Alice joined Dana’s laugh. 

“Well, you’re just naughty.”

“Naughty is good too,” Alice smirked as she stole another cookie. “I think Santa had it all wrong to be honest.”

“Stop! I mean it now,” Dana warned. 

As Alice enjoyed the cookie, she started to share her dislike at the thought of Jodi accompanying Bette back home for the holiday. “I wish Jodi wasn’t coming.”

“I’m thinking it’s time we just try to accept her Al. Bette obviously loves her very much for her to move her life to New York, and miss having that daily interaction with Angelica. That was a significant sacrifice for love.”

Alice wiped her hands on the dish towel. “True. That certainly surprised me quite a bit.”

“Well, then I think we need to really understand that Bette and Jodi are a couple, who may even have their own kids one day.”

“I guess. I suppose I just always wished that Bette and Tina would somehow get back together. When Tina had broken up with Kate, I really thought there was a good chance. Why is it that those two never seem to be single and in a good place where something could actually bring them together again?”

“Maybe it just isn’t meant to be,” Dana said as she started rinsing the dishes and placing them in the dishwasher. “Maybe it’s just been some fairy tale that we have built up in our minds. You know the whole happily ever after thing.”

Alice leaned against the counter. “Don’t you believe in that Dane?”

“I do. However, I think that as their friends, we had placed them on a pedestal and assumed that they had it all. It was completely unrealistic to think that they could get through anything, and I think the affair had proved that.”

“I know. I just thought that Tee would end up forgiving Bette for that.”

“Affairs are a hard thing to get over Alice. It can take years to try to rebuild a relationship after that, and in the end, it sometimes collapses.”

“I just don’t understand why they never seemed to really try though.”

“I’m not sure Tina was willing to risk her heart being hurt again.” Dana closed the dishwasher. “We need to start to get ready, because I want to stop by the liquor store and pick up a few bottles of wine before we get there.”

Alice looked at her watch. “Oh yeah! Bath time. Come on, you can be my rubber ducky,” Alice said as she grabbed Dana’s hand. “I think we need to conserve water, the bill was a little high last month.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, thank you for reading this short story. There are only 5 chapters, and here is Chapter 2.

CHAPTER 2

I couldn’t believe it had only been about a month since my last visit back home. Perhaps it was the Christmas decorations that now adorned the house, which changed the look of everything. Either way, it was slightly difficult to realize that I hadn’t been a part of decorating this year. Last year, although Tina and I hadn’t been back together, we had still shared that task. It’s funny, sometimes in the past, it did seem like a task, decorating. However, I would have given anything to have done that, this year especially, now that Angelica was getting a little older and able to interact more.

“It looks really nice in here Tina,” I said as I placed the last shopping bag on the table. “Real festive.”

“Thank you. Shane had helped me get the things from the attic.”

I was a little surprised she hadn’t said that Kate helped. I assumed she was probably working quite a bit with the holiday’s approaching. I couldn’t help my curiosity, so I didn’t. “Did Kate like decorating?”

Tina turned from the cupboard and took the two cans of sliced pears from the shopping bag. “She and I aren’t together anymore.”

When I heard those words, I thought I felt my heart stop for a moment. I knew that Kate’s name had been noticeably absent from last month’s conversations when I visited, but just assumed that their schedules were more demanding, and that they had less time together. “I’m sorry to hear that,” I forced out.

“It’s okay. It was better that I came to the conclusion I did now, rather than a few years from now.”

“Conclusion?” I picked Angie up from the floor, and sat her on my lap as I made myself comfortable at the kitchen table.

Tina didn’t answer Bette right away. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to spill everything, and surely Bette hadn’t offered too much about why Jodi wasn’t going to be accompanying her here for Christmas.

“Do you not want to talk about it Tee?”

“How about I put Angie down for her nap. It’s going to probably be a little later than usual that she stay up tonight, and then we can talk.”

“Would you mind if I put her to bed?”

Tina smiled. She knew that Bette was missing out on all those moments that after a while, a parent just starts to take for granted as being so routine. “Sure you can. I think she would love that.”

“I’ll read to her. You still have that basket of books by her bed right?”

“I do. I had started reading the Christmas story you sent her a few weeks ago.”

“Oh yeah? Did you use the bookmark I sent?”

Tina couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. She thought it was anal, but so damn cute, and definitely so Bette to have sent a little bookmark along. “Yes honey….I…” Tina stopped short in her tracks. It was an honest slip, and though awkward after she said it, she wouldn’t apologize for it. She had felt it was time she stop apologizing for those things that were from her heart, and spend more time apologizing for those things that had been done which were not.

Bette took Angelica down the hall and to her bedroom, as Tina sat at the kitchen chair, with a million thoughts going through her head. The first one, was that she was just dying to know what was happening between Bette and Jodi.

#

Carmen expressed a small moan as she waited for Shane to make her way under the sheets, to where she needed her the most. With her left hand gripping one of the bars of the headboard behind, the other was hidden under the sheet entwined in Shane’s wild hair, urging her towards her center. “Mmm…please,” she whispered softly, so soft that beneath the sheets, it was unlikely that Shane heard her at all.

Shane was slowly kissing the inside of Carmen’s leg which had been spread wide for her lover. Beneath the sheet, her forehead was perspiring from the inadequate ventilation. The positive side was that the limited ventilation, allowed Carmen’s scent to fill the small space that Shane was occupying. The smell of her woman was driving Shane crazy. She couldn’t wait to taste her, and please her. The aroma was simply a prelude to what was waiting for her. With her thumbs pressed lightly against each side of her lips, she slid them up and down, her lover’s arousal providing the proper lubrication for a smooth rhythm. 

Again, Carmen moaned her needs and requests into the air. Her unfulfilled desires were building, and the ache between her legs was almost too much to bear. “Please baby…please suck on me.” Her request this time was much more loud than she had been previously.

Shane brought her tongue to Carmen’s rock hard clit, and began systematically rolling it in circles as she closed her eyes, appreciating that recognizable taste. Carmen was a woman who liked a steady rhythm. To change in the middle of it, would sometimes cause a delay in accomplishing an orgasm. Shane had come to know quite well, through much experience, that every woman was different in how and what their body responded to. As she continued to stimulate Carmen, she slipped two fingers insider of her, and immediately felt how swollen the smooth walls of her vagina had become. They seemed to welcome Shane’s fingers, as they embraced them tight. This time, Shane could hear Carmen’s moans, and feel her hips rocking against her face as she continued to hold onto the pace. The moment Carmen came, her hips had stopped moving, remaining idle in an upward state as she screamed her delight, the whole time that Shane had continued to draw the rest of the orgasm out of her.

#

While Bette was reading Angie her book, Tina had poured a glass of wine for both of them and placed it on the coffee table in the living room. She brought a plate of cheese and some grapes to the table as well, then hit the switch for the gas fireplace she had installed over the summer.

She sat down on the sofa, facing the fireplace as she took a sip of her wine, allowing her thoughts to again drift to that wonderful place where she imagined Bette living back home with them, and being a family again. She wondered how disappointed she was going to be, if Bette were to tell her that things were great with Jodi, and that they were going to start having a family of their own. Though it may have been greedy of her, she was happy when she had learned that Jodi wasn’t that fond of children, for it meant that she wouldn’t ever have to worry about that becoming an issue that kept them together. On the other hand, she also wondered about how much Bette was really sacrificing to be with her. For one thing, she was losing a lot of quality time with her daughter, which was something that really surprised Tina when Bette had decided to move to New York. It really was so out of character for her to have done that, but it had gotten to a point where Tina couldn’t blame Bette. Outside of her daughter, there wasn’t much left for her in Los Angeles, and though her daughter should have been enough to make her stay, Tina knew that Bette had unfortunately forced herself to get used to the limited time she was given since they had split. Tina blamed herself for a lot of wasted time, and a lot of lost opportunities to make things right again with Bette. She only hoped that maybe fate would somehow have them both in the same place, giving them a second chance.

“She’s fast asleep,” I said as I walked into the living room, which greeted me with a warm ambience.

“I figured it wouldn’t take much,” Tina offered before sipping her wine.

I sat next to Tina on the sofa, and looked at the fireplace in front of us. “You went with gas.”

“I did. It’s so much cleaner.”

“True. Not to mention you don’t have those god awful weapons that the adoption agent was so worried about Angelica getting into.”

“That certainly was a plus. It’s so much easier to just switch it on and you have a fire that you don’t have to constantly be adding logs to.”

I watched Tina take a sip of her wine. Her blue eyes were like a placid lake, reflecting the fire in front of her. I always found myself lost in those eyes. In her, I found that they told the world just who she was. Yes, a window to her soul, and there was a time that I could see all that she held so clearly. I felt slightly awkward when she looked, to find that I was preoccupied with her. Her warm and gentle smile had wakened me from my trance.

“So…” Tina started. “What’s new with you?”

“Well, before we get into letting things be all about me,” I laughed. “Why don’t you finish what you were going to tell me about you and Kate.”

Tina took a deep breath, which caused her chest to rise and fall. The white sweater she was wearing was fitting, and accentuated the curves of her athletic and well defined body nicely. I pulled my eyes away, not wanting to be caught steeling a glance. 

“I don’t know Bette. She ended up being pretty caught up in work…a lot.”

I was surprised to hear that was a complaint. I thought Tina had gotten rather accustomed to things like that, as I certainly held the record for long days and nights at the CAC and school. I let her continue before adding anything to what she was saying.

“I’m not even sure how we really had ended up together. There were definitely some things that we had in common, but…well…”

I decided to urge her on, because she seemed ready to retreat. “But? Go on…”

“I wasn’t in love with her Bette.”

I wasn’t sure what to offer when she said that, and what came out wasn’t well thought out in the least. “Are you sure?”

Tina looked at me and laughed as she reached for a grape. “Yes, I’m sure.” I watched her place the round piece of fruit in her mouth, and couldn’t help but remember a few very wild nights that we did some pretty crazy things with grapes. I had to stop reminiscing, because it was just driving me crazy not to reach out and just kiss her. “…I think maybe I was just letting myself rush into something. After I left Henry, I suppose I wanted to prove to myself that I really was into women, and that Henry was just a reaction…a…a response if you will.”

“A response?”

Tina didn’t want to go that far into the past. She didn’t want to rehash the painful moments over the past year and a half. “Bette, I’m not sure this is the most appropriate discussion. I don’t want to delve back into the past, a past which I know caused you a lot of pain, and which I had a great amount of responsibility in.”

“Tina, sometimes talking about our mistakes, helps us to heal and…and to move towards a better place.”

Tina wasn’t sure what Bette was implying, if anything. However, she did feel that even as just good friends, she probably owed Bette some type of explanation as to why she had made some choices she did after she found that she couldn’t get back together with Bette following the affair. She turned her body towards Bette before continuing, which was followed by a slow breath in and out. “Wow…why do some things just seem so hard to do?”

I looked at her eyes, her face, her lips. I studied each and every hint of crows feet by her eyes, which were proof of a life well lived. I wanted to just reach out, and brush that stray blonde hair from her face. I wanted to reach for her hand. God, there was just so much I wanted to do, but for some reason, I wasn’t sure that I could. I just wasn’t sure if it was what Tina wanted. I waited for her to continue.

“Bette….many decisions I made following my moving out of the house, were laced with anger. I could have never imagined in a million years, that we would have found ourselves in that place where we were. In my own way, I felt I had given up so much of myself, who I was, to prepare myself for pregnancy. I ended up being Bette Porter’s wife, the woman who was fast becoming some simple housewife. When we spoke of my carrying the baby, and leaving work to do so, I suppose I didn’t realize just how much of my own identity I had lost.”

I watched as Tina, for the first time ever really opened herself up to explain what she was thinking and going through, even before the affair had occurred. She definitely had my attention.

“…when you had come home that time, with the birthday ties for Melvin, I was basically told to wrap the gift…a gift I hadn’t even had any knowledge about. I hadn’t been asked for my opinion, nor was price even going to be an issue. You went out, spent what you wanted, on the items you chose, and I had no say in it, except to be a compliant wife and just wrap his gift.”

It was the first time that Tina had ever mentioned my father’s gift as being an issue. “I had no idea that it had bothered you so much.”

“I’m sure you didn’t. At that time, you had become pretty self absorbed in work and getting ready for the show.”

I felt myself needing to say something, offer a small bit of insight into what I was feeling then. “It was a stressful time. I suppose I was so caught up in making decisions in terms of work, and being the go to person, that I allowed it to flow over into our marriage. I think you have known that over the years, giving up some control, and learning that some decisions need to be shared when you are in a relationship with someone, has been a little hard for me to do. At that time, the pressure of such a controversial exhibit, and all that was happening in terms of the pregnancy…I…” I felt myself almost starting to justify my behavior, and that wasn’t the message that I wanted. “...I don’t know…I made some extremely poor decisions.”

“You did.” Tina’s words were short and bold, but with complete honesty. I guess I just didn’t expect them. “Bette, I think we both handled the loss of our child in different ways. I didn’t realize that until I did a lot of thinking in recent weeks. I’ve struggled with trying to understand what would make you seek sex from someone else. What would make you feel some attraction to someone, to the point of sleeping with them and stepping outside of our relationship? It wasn’t until recently did I understand that a lot of that had to do with that inability to control something. Yes, you were right before when you said that you always had a hard time giving that up. When you did so, it was your decision to. When we lost our baby, you had absolutely no control over that. There was no decision. He was taken without anyone’s permission, and beyond all of our control. You know, today, I can see so much more clearer what that affair was about. It wasn’t about sex, or love, or anything, but just feeling the need to be in control of something, when it all was slipping from you.” 

I was startled at how accurate Tina was. When I fucked around with Candace, it wasn’t about love at all. “The truth is, it was never about love Tee. You’re right. It was about me stepping out of my life. Hell it wasn’t even about stepping out of my marriage, though that is ultimately what I did. My need at that time was to escape, and Candace offered a cheap and easy way of losing myself in something that freed me from the incredible loss that I had felt.”

Tina watched Bette closely as she opened her heart up to her. The problem they had faced in their relationship, was communication, and not one was anymore responsible for keeping things in than the other. However, Bette usually needed a little more prompting, but when Tina miscarried, she wasn’t able to do that. She was just about able to get herself out of bed, let alone be able to pull from Bette all she was feeling.

“It was like the perfect storm Tina. There was so much happening simultaneously, and in order to get both of us where we were, it took so many different components coming together at the same time. I think if just one of them, one wasn’t in place, things wouldn’t have happened the way they did. It’s not in me to be a cheat Tina. Since that happened, I had a few one night stands, and then of course I was with Jodi…whom I never cheated on either.”

Tina caught that word. The word…was with Jodi. She allowed Bette to continue rather than interrupt as her heart nearly skipped a few beats.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this is Chapter 3 already on only 5 chapters in the whole story! Don't worry though, Mistletoe Kisses is a sequel and will have 6 chapters for that one. ;) Thanks for reading and for leaving a comment. It's always fun to read what the readers are thinking. ~ Chicki

CHAPTER 3

As Tina relished in Bette’s choice of words, she almost lost touch with listening to the rest that Bette had to say. Unbeknownst to Bette, she just continued opening her heart and soul. “You can’t imagine how much I have wracked my mind all this time, trying to figure it all out. I was finally able to determine a lot through some therapy I had in New York.”

“You went to therapy?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Wow. Because of…the affair?”

“Because of that, because it was so out of my character. Tina, there was nothing I ever wanted more, than to be in a monogamous relationship, to be married, and to ultimately have a beautiful family. I never wanted a life where I was involved with multiple partners. The moments I had some one night stands, they were meaningless. I felt more crummy afterwards than I ever did before. In a strange way it was like self abuse. I didn’t think I deserved to have that monogamous relationship again.”

“Of course you do.”

“At the time, I didn’t think so. Then when I started opening my heart up to accept that is what I wanted…something solid again, I started to reach out to you and hope that I would hear that you wanted that to…wanted us to try again…that you wanted me….and it just…it didn’t come, I felt hopeless. I watched as you moved on with your life, with Henry, and I just…well…I gave up. I gave up hope.”

“Hope is a wonderful thing to have Bette,” Tina said softly. Her eyes had a twinkle in them, which I could easily see.

“It is…when you have it. I gave that up. The moment I saw you form a hetero family. I don’t know, it was like that final act that forced me to face what I didn’t want to. As hard as it was, I closed my heart, and all the hope in the world went with it.”

Tina looked down. There was some type of connection with Henry, but it wasn’t for the right reasons, and it was far from anything passionate. “Henry…he…he was just safe.” Tina put her hand through her blonde hair, as I watched it fall slowly onto her shoulders. “I said to you earlier, that he was a response. I don’t know…it was a combination of just falling into a lifestyle that I figured was just much easier, and…also…to….” Tina didn’t seem like she could continue. She knew that the true basis of her pushing herself towards a man, and things were moving along so wonderfully so far, she wasn’t sure she could admit to her own harsh motivations of the past.

“To…what?” I urged.

Tina looked at Bette, with remorse like never before. “I knew it would hurt you, maybe as much as I felt hurt when I saw you with Candace. I just couldn’t seem to feel any sense of satisfaction. I…god Bette, I was filled with so much anger towards you. I was bitter beyond belief. There was nothing that I could get myself focused on more, than to hurt you, to make you feel what the pain was like to watch someone you care about spread their legs for someone else.”

The words were harsh. They were cold. But, what Bette had found most interesting, was that they were appropriate, and helped to make more sense to her than ever before. No, it didn’t hurt her to hear Tina say that, because she had already beaten herself up enough. Instead, it allowed her to understand all the “why’s” about Henry, and actually helped her to feel a bit of safety, knowing that there really wasn’t an attraction there.

Tina continued. “Then…then it changed…I woke up, but it appeared to be a little too late.”

“What do you mean it changed? In what way?”

“I realized a few things. For one, I realized that most all of my decisions around that time were made with spitefulness. It changed when…when I realized that I had started to use Angie to hurt you. What kind of mother uses the relationship that her daughter has with someone, against them? I didn’t understand it at first Bette, but she was the final option I had left, to hurt you with.” Tina looked down. The admission alone made her feel repulsive. “I’m a good mother Bette.” Tina’s eyes started to fill with water as the anguish of what she was saying took over her emotions. “I’m a damn good mother.” Tina grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table as the tears streamed down her face. She leaned forward and placed her head in her hands as she started to sob in silence, only her back showing the evidence as it rose and fell. 

“I know you are a good mother. I never doubted that.” I put my hand out to rub her back, and stopped only inches from her. Then I moved it forward and touched her. “Please…please don’t cry Tee.”

Tina didn’t lift her face. She felt the warmth of Bette’s hand as it made circles between her shoulder blades. She closed here eyes as she reveled in that feeling. She missed her so much, and if she knew for sure where Bette was emotionally, and that she wanted her, she would have taken her by the hand and gone straight to the bedroom. She could very easily surrender her body to this woman, on a moments notice. It had taken a long time, but she realized that Bette was it. She was “the” one. She had unfortunately taken a very hard journey to realize that. It was amazing, but in a short time, she had stopped sobbing, and her tears started to dry. This was the effect that Bette had on her. That connection that words could sometimes never define, but touch…touch alone could speak volumes. Tina felt enough strength again to continue. She had to. She knew that this could be her final chance to heal the wounds of yesterday, in hopes to have a better tomorrow. There was nothing to lose now, because she had lost it already.

“I…I realized that Henry wasn’t what I needed, nor what I wanted. When I saw you moving on, I understood that I had really lost you. I saw that you wanted something with Jodi, and it appeared quite serious. That reality made me realize that Henry was just an impulsive reaction, and I used him to hurt you. I just knew it would drive you crazy to know that I was with a man. You couldn’t compete with that. Other women, sure…you would have probably continued to try. With Henry, I knew it would just tarnish that ego. I also came to realize, that for all those things that sometimes use to drive me crazy…I loved. I just loved you challenging me about things. He was so simple. So quiet. He just…god, you could sit him in front of the television and he would get lost in whatever he was watching. He was a great man Bette, don’t get me wrong. He treated me and Angelica wonderfully. It’s just…he was boring. He was stale. He had no passion in him. I don’t just mean that in the sexual way either. The passion you have, that energy, that drive….that wanting to breathe life into everything you see…it’s so much a part of you, and it just radiates from you. You walk into a room, and you command attention. I use to feel that I was lost in your shadow. I used to think that I was missing out on something. I didn’t want the shadow anymore, I wanted to forefront. Then…I got it. With Henry it became all about me. He sort of became the shadow, and guess what? It wasn’t me Bette. It…it wasn’t me, and it wasn’t what I wanted. It took some time for me to understand that for those things that I sometimes thought would drive me crazy, were actually in the end, things that I loved most about you.”

“What about Kate?”

“Kate…she was fun. She was…she was convenient I guess. I had feelings develop, but I think maybe they were forced. They didn’t come as natural as they should. A lot of things were on her terms completely. I’m a different woman now Bette. I can’t be June Cleaver. I thought Kate realized that when she met me. It wasn’t like I changed in the middle of our relationship. I guess….I guess that I was searching for the same thing that I had…when…we were together.”

I thought I had hit the lottery. I was able to hear that her relationship with Henry was more out of spite than anything else, and that Kate was convenient. Most of all…I heard that Tina was single and had been searching for those things she had when we were together. I was more optimistic than ever, that we might have another chance. I had hoped my expression wasn’t revealing just how happy I was.

“So…what about Jodi? You were rather short when I had phoned you, inviting you both here for Christmas. I think it’s a fair question to ask where she is?”

I had gotten so caught up in the euphoric moment as I absorbed Tina’s confessions, that her question caught me off guard. Out of reaction, I almost replied that she was well. I took a moment to sip some wine as I collected myself, and realized that beating around the bush was only a waste of time. “We aren’t together anymore.”

Tina couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This was one of the very few, if not the only time that she and Bette were actually single at the same time, AND in a place where it seemed that both of them could actually give their relationship a second chance…if that was what Bette wanted as well. As thrilled as she was to hear those words, she also wondered how hard it had to be on Bette. She had honestly appeared to have fallen pretty hard for this woman. Putting her own selfishness aside, she tried to be comforting. “Really? I’m sorry Bette. I know that you had some very strong feelings for her.”

The fact was, I did have strong feelings for Jodi. I don’t know if those feelings would have developed as strong under different circumstances, in another place, another time, but they had developed. I tried hard to contain my emotion, as our breakup was so fresh.   
“Yes…I had felt pretty serious about her.”

“What happened? If you don’t mind my asking?”

“I don’t know…I guess maybe I tried to make it more than what it really was. I needed something in my life Tina. I just felt so rejected…so lost. I craved all those wonderful feelings of knowing someone was waiting home for me…of knowing that I was causing someone’s heart to flutter. I wanted to go to bed with the same person and wake up with them the next morning. I …I wanted that monogamous relationship.”

As Bette spoke, Tina really did believe that Bette wasn’t someone who would show a pattern of cheating. Her motivation was towards a committed relationship, and what happened was as she had described, that perfect storm that could never be lined up again in that way. It was a “moment” in time, and for Tina, she had finally come to accept that, and in doing so, the fear that Bette would repeat something so damaging in the future was lost in the confidence and honesty before her.

“I knew that I was taking a huge risk with Jodi. But I felt I had to. I think part of the mistake that I made with us, was that I pushed so much of my own interests, beliefs, and myself in general on you, that I didn’t want to make that same mistake. I wanted Jodi to be a free spirit and feel a sense of identity. Because of that, I may have forced myself to tolerate a lot of things that I normally would never have. One major thing, was…her not being so fond of children. I think I told you that.”

“Yes, you mentioned that.”

“I wanted her to accept Angelica as her own, but I could see those few times they interacted, it just wasn’t there Tee. I guess after moving to New York, I tried to accept that Jodi was her own person, and I couldn’t push my beliefs on her. I just had hoped in time, Angelica might grow on her. I just couldn’t remain with someone that wasn’t going to love my daughter as much as I did.”

“There aren’t a lot of women out there that you find will. I noticed Kate was very much the same. She often times grew impatient with Angie, and though I hadn’t seen that in the beginning, I did once we were living together and Kate was faced with Angie on a daily basis. It was clear that she wasn’t interested in a ready made family. I guess when you were still living in L.A., she assumed that you and I would share a lot of the responsibility of reworking our schedules. Once you left for New York, she felt the pressure to have to pick up some slack…and…well she failed in a lot of ways.”

“I guess it’s a lot to expect…that someone will love Angie as we do.”

“I think when you love someone, you just automatically believe that the love they have for you, will easily transfer to your child too…but the more articles I read on the internet, the more scared I became, because it doesn’t seem like it comes that easy. I’m sorry, I diverted you.”

“It’s okay. So…anyway, one day while Jodi was painting upstairs, I was sitting in the recliner, and I started to realize how much I was missing. I was missing being in Angie’s life, and I was also feeling the absence of my girlfriend having a relationship with her. As my thoughts were set free that day, I thought back to a lot of things…you and I….the affair….losing my father….watching how sick Dana had gotten, and how close to death she was….realizing that I had been continuously looking for something that….that I had been lucky to have found only one time in my life.”

When I looked from my glass of wine to Tina, her eyes just locked with mine. I felt like I was floating for a moment, and that this moment where we bore our hearts and souls to one another was just surreal. It was then I felt her warm hand touch the back of mine. She closed her fingers around my hand and squeezed lightly. I looked down, and placed my hand on top of hers. I don’t think that either of us were quite capable of talking. We had both done enough. It was now time to sit back, in the silence, and allow our hearts to continue communicating, without the benefit of sound.

#

“Whatever you do, don’t drop the cookies,” Dana pleaded as Alice insisted on balancing her purse, the cookies, and one of the gifts. 

“Don’t worry. You’re going to die young you know, if you continue to worry about everything.”

“I can’t help it, I slaved in front of a hot oven to make those, only to have you eat half a dozen already.”

“Dane, there is going to be so much food… Tina’s cooking remember?”

Dana knocked on the door and opened it when she heard Tina call out from the other side to come in. “Dana, Alice…Merry Christmas,” Tina said as she kissed Dana on the cheek and started assisting Alice with everything she was balancing in her arms.”

I had just finished getting changed, and started walking into the kitchen when I heard the girls. “Hey Dane, what are you doing making your girl carry all that stuff?” 

“She insisted. You know how damn stubborn she can be.” Dana smiled as I hugged both her and Alice.

“You look great oh Alpha one,” Alice smirked. “Have you been working out?”

“Not really. I just haven’t been eating much lately.”

“You haven’t? Well…we’ll have to talk to Jodi about that. Where is she?”

“Um…not here. She couldn’t make it.” I had no desire to explain everything to Alice, or anyone else. It took so much out of both Tina and I to have the discussion that we did, so we both agreed that we wouldn’t go down that road with our friends. We just wanted to have a nice time.

Alice folded her arms, a sure sign that she was going to bring out that nosey side we all knew too well. “Really? That’s odd. I mean it IS Christmas after all. Come on Porter, there’s more there, spill.”

Dana nudged Alice. “That isn’t our business.”

“Dana is right Alice. Let it go,” Tina warned.

I turned towards Tina, a bit surprised by her boldness. It felt good that she was having my back…something that Alice smiled at, which only prompted a bit more of her curiosity. “Hmmm…I sense then that maybe it was a good thing?”

“God, can’t you take a hint?” Dana was getting annoyed. She took hold of Alice’s arm and led her to the other room where she thought that Bette and Tina wouldn’t be able to hear them. 

“Hey, let me go…what are you doing?” Alice complained.

Dana tried to keep her voice low. “Look, it is not your business or anyone else’s where Jodi is.”

“I don’t care where Jodi is, I told you I wasn’t very fond of her anyway.”

Tina and I remained in the kitchen, looking at one another and making expressions as we whispered our own opinions back and forth to one another, hearing every word that the girls were saying in the other room.

“If Bette is fond of her, then you need to just keep your opinions to yourself.”

“I am. I didn’t say too much about how I felt.”

Dana arched a brow.

“What? I didn’t. Anyway, it’s apparent those two are quite happy that they have one another all to themselves.”

“Maybe so…but just don’t be adding pressure.”

“I won’t,” Alice said as she started to turn back towards the kitchen, only to be stopped again by Dana’s strong grip. “Will you stop holding me like that?”

“I will when you tell me you will mind your business and let them be. It’s their holiday too you know.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Fine…fine I’ll shut up.”

“I didn’t tell you to shut up, I told you to just mind your business. There must be something you can say that doesn’t have to do with meddling.”

“God you make it sound like I’m some old lady!

Tina and I were ready to bust a gut from the bantering that was going back and forth. Dana and Alice always shared quite a unique relationship, and kept things pretty alive in terms of humor, especially when they were in the company of their friends, and even more so when they didn’t realize they could be overheard.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya Peeps!   
> Where did the weekend go? They go by way too fast don't they? Thank you so much for your comments. I always read every one of them even if I don't respond back to each one. I appreciate each and every one of you, whether you post publicly, reach out privately, or just read in silence. Only one chapter left after this one. Enjoy ~ Chicki

CHAPTER 4

It was 8pm and the party was well underway. Kit was playing with Angelica in the corner, while each of the girls were engrossed in catching me up on everything that was happening in their lives. Although I did make monthly visits back home, much of that time was spent with Angelica. Those weekends I stayed in the guest room, Tina and Kate use to go away somewhere. I think everyone just wanted me to have as much time with Angie, which I had appreciated.

I reached for a celery stick as I sat across from Dana, curious about how she was adjusting to retirement following her illness. “How do you like retirement?”

“Hey, you know…it is what it is. I’m just glad I have noticed a lot of my energy coming back. I can now do some guest appearances.”

“She’s going to be on Ellen in a few weeks,” Alice revealed.

“Really? She’s awesome,” Tina said while she stirred the crockpot of meatballs. “I’d love to go to one of her tapings.”

“Good, why don’t we plan on going when Dana is going to be on?” Alice replied as she reached for a cracker. “That would be cool.”

“Maybe. I’ll have to check what my schedule is like.”

Carmen was caressing the back of Shane’s head as they sat on the sofa. “I love that fireplace Tina. It’s so relaxing to just watch it.”

“I love it too. Bette and I almost lost track of time when we were sitting here earlier sharing a glass of wine.” Tina and Bette smiled at one another, as they remembered how intimate that moment seemed not to long before their friends showed up.

All night Shane was sensing the warmth between Bette and Tina. When she was alone with Carmen in the kitchen earlier, she had told her that she thought they looked like they did before…when things hadn’t gone so wrong between them. Carmen thought it was Shane’s wishful thinking that was getting the best of her, however as the night progressed, there were more and more signs that something was brewing.

Angelica brought one of the plastic ornaments from the tree and handed it to me. “Santa!” She said as she waited for me to take hold of the tiny gingerbread house.

“Oh wow, a gingerbread house. Did Santa give this to you?”

Angelica nodded her head with exaggeration. “He’s gonna come here.”

“Really?” I said with a high level of enthusiasm.

“Yeah!” Angelica started to turn serious as she stood in front of me.

“What do you think he’s going to bring you?”

Angelica shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.”

“Are you going to leave him some cookies and milk?” I asked.

“Why?” Angelica responded.

“Because Santa likes to have cookies and milk. He gets hungry when he has to deliver all those gifts.”

“He does?”

“Yes, he sure does.”

“Why?”

The girls all watched as Angelica engaged with me. As she was getting older, I found her interaction to be incredibly smart and insightful. She was such a curious little girl, and the world was waiting for her to discover everything about it. 

“Well, when you work hard, you get hungry. Rudolph will probably be hungry too. Do you have some carrots to give him?”

Angelica looked from Bette to Tina. “Mommy do we cretts?”

Tina laughed. “Yes honey, we have some carrots.”

“Did you write your letter to Santa?” I asked, which prompted her to shake her head no.

“You didn’t? Well we will just have to make sure that we do that before you head to bed…which…looks like it is going to be soon.”

“Noooooo.” Angelica resisted the thought of having to leave the company. 

Tina interjected. “Sweetie, I told you that I wanted you to be in bed by 8:30am. Tomorrow will be a busy day.” 

“NOOOOOO.” Angie confirmed her discontent. “Don’t want to.”

“What do you mean? Don’t you want to get some gifts from Santa?”

Angie stared at me, giving me the best pouty face she could as she nodded.

“Well, see here’s the thing, Santa starts to make his way around the neighborhood…around…” I looked down at my watch. “Oh no!”

“What?” Angie asked.

“Santa is making his way around the neighborhood right now. You wouldn’t want him to show up and you not asleep yet would you?”

Angelica didn’t say a thing. 

“I think we will have just enough time to write your letter, and then get you to bed.”

Angie had started to listen more intently as I continued to list all the reasons why it was best that she be in bed. In little time, she was so convinced, that I thought she was going to fail to complete her letter to Santa. 

Tina rose from the sofa and headed to the kitchen to get a notepad and pen. When she returned, Angelica was sitting on my lap. Though the girls didn’t say a thing, the sight before them, was a wish that seemed to be coming true. Bette and Tina on the sofa side by side, with Angelica right there with them. Kit wiped a stray tear, as the lyrics of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas filled the room.

#

“Okay little one, your letter is on the table…you left him some milk and cookies, and a few carrot sticks for Rudolph and the other reindeer.” Angie held onto my hand as I led her back into the living room to give the girls a kiss goodnight. When she got to Kit, the last one, Tina rose from the sofa and we both brought Angie to bed.

As I brought Angelica into her room, she wanted both Tina and I to read to her. She held up the Christmas book that I had read that afternoon. “Santa?”

“Yes, Santa is in the book,” Tina said as she scooted on the bed next to Angelica. “Who do you want to read first?”

Angelica pointed to Tina.

“Alright.” She looked over at me. “Why don’t you tell Momma B to lay on the other side of you.”

Angelica looked up at me, as I stood by her bed. “Oh gosh, well there isn’t nearly enough room on that small bed of yours.”

Angelica looked at the space aside of her. “Uh huh.”

“Here, let’s scoot really close, so Momma B can cuddle with you on that side.”

Angelica was more than happy to comply, and I had little to no choice but to get myself comfortable on the twin size bed. In doing so, Tina and I were extremely close. It had been a very long time since we were in a position of laying down and facing one another on a bed, like this. It just felt so right, being together in the same room, with Angelica between us. It was like we could read on another’s mind, because once again, it was in that silence that most of our rekindling had been taking place. Our moment was cut short by Angelica demanding that we read.

“She’s a little impatient isn’t she?” I asked Tina.

“A little. Like someone else.”

Our eyes took hold of the other, and though we weren’t verbalizing all that was going on in our head, there was one hell of a conversation taking place. I felt it, in every pore of my body, I felt her talking to me. “I guess I was usually the impatient one. You on the other hand…you always had a lot of patience.”

“I’m feeling that it is being weathered…fairly strongly this evening.”

“Your patience?”

Tina nodded. Her eyes were revealing a burning desire. It was a hunger that I used to know a long time ago, but had faded since…since she had learned of the affair. However, there was no doubt, that the passion was alive and illuminating her arresting eyes.

#

“God I can’t help it, they are just too damn cute together. Is it just me, or is there some sparks there tonight?” Kit asked.

Dana quickly placed her hand over Alice’s mouth, who in turn pulled it away. “Hey, I didn’t bring it up.”

“Shhhhhhh. They will hear us.” Dana had become really protective of giving Bette and Tina their privacy. 

“Well, we’ll shut up when they come in,” Alice said. “My two cents, though I’m sure it’s worth more than that, is that we walked in tonight and I just felt something was different. In a weird way, I thought we should have called it a night as soon as we came in.”

“What were they doing?” Kit asked.

“Nothing really. I can’t put my finger on it, but they just had this like weird glow.”

“Damn, I knew something was up,” Shane piped in. “I felt the same thing. How could we all be wrong? We couldn’t all be feeling something right?”

“Look, even if there is something, I’m afraid that if they feel pressure from “any” of us,” Dana’s emphasis was towards Alice when she paused and looked her, “that they may be afraid of disappointing us. They don’t need that. It took way to long for them to get back where they are, both single and appearing to be getting along so well. I just think we shouldn’t pry.”

“Dana’s right. Let them be,” Carmen said. “I don’t think any of us would want that pressure.”

“What about Jodi?” Shane asked.

“There is no Jodi,” Alice revealed with a pleasantry that was blatantly obvious “Bette wouldn’t get into it, but said they broke up.”

“What?! That girl’s been holding out on me?” Kit was shocked by the revelation. “When did that happen?”

“Shhhhhh.” Dana put her finger to her nose, as if that would emphasize how much more quieter they needed to be.

“I don’t know,” Alice said. “but we know that Kate is out of the picture, and now Jodi is. You cannot tell me that Bette is not feeling something being home like this, with Angelica and Tina.”

“I agree with Alice. You did hear Tina say that they were enjoying a glass of wine in front of this fireplace here, on the sofa. There isn’t any denying those two are still in love with one another. The problem has been both of them being honest with themselves first, and then each other,” Shane shared her opinion with the biggest smile that adorned her ace all evening.

“Oh my god, we are pathetic. We are sitting here on Christmas Eve psychoanalyzing Bette and Tina’s relationship.” Carmen popped a grape in her mouth. “You know what I am thinking?” Everyone turned to Carmen, waiting for her to continue. “I am thinking that the best gift we could give them, as their friends…is some time alone. I say we call it a night when they get back from putting Angie to bed.”

“Good idea,” Shane said. “Let’s face it, I don’t think Bette’s visit is for anymore than a few days. Do you know when she is going back?” Shane looked over to Kit.

“Hell, I just found out the woman is single now, and you think I know when she is going back home?”

The girls laughed in unison, to find Kit so out of sorts. “It doesn’t matter, the bottom line is, they need some time.” Carmen stood from the sofa and handed Shane her jacket. “Let’s go babe.”

Shane was happy to comply. If there was one present she would love to have received, it would be the ability to see two of her very best friends back together. The thought of them getting back together before Angie was old enough to even understand the absence of Bette from her life so far, was the most precious gift that they could all want.

Dana joined them, handing Alice her coat. “What?”

“Al, were leaving,” Dana said as she held her jacket out.

“We are? But….but I would love to….”

”AL!” Everyone said in unison.

“Alright, alright. God you girls get so bent out of shape. I would have enjoyed saying goodbye to them.”

”Right. I’m sure that was your motive for wanting to hang back,” Dana said sharply.

“Well, at least there is one thing we can come to expect, Alice will never change,” Shane said as she made her way to the front door.

Dana continued to shush everyone as they headed out. Kit was the last one to leave. Before she did though, she wrote a short note and left it on the table, then snuck out, leaving the house with only the faint sound of Christmas music playing as she went to her car. She looked back at the house before getting in her car, and through the window she could see the white lights of the Christmas tree. She looked up to the sky, and closed her eyes. “Please lord…please let them find one another again.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you so much for you wonderful feedback and comments. This is the last chapter of this short story. Mistletoe Kisses is a sequel to this story and will follow...so, stay tuned everyone! ~ Chicki

CHAPTER 5

Tina and I carefully eased ourselves off the bed, trying not to wake Angelica. I bent over and pulled the blanket up, tucking her in. I leaned forward and placed a very light kiss on her forehead, hoping that wouldn’t stir her. We both walked to the door, and stopped when we had reached the doorway. I couldn’t help but want to stand there and stare at the angel that had succumbed to the slumber that had taken over relatively fast. I felt Tina’s hand touch my shoulder, and though it was the slightest contact, it meant the world to me. I missed her touch, even in the smallest of ways, and at this moment when we were both setting the eyes on the one life that would always link us no matter what, it felt so right…more right than anything I had felt in a very long time. We both started back towards the kitchen. “She just loved those candy canes tonight. I did too,” Tina admitted.

“I’m glad. I really had fun making them again.”

As we entered the kitchen, I took two small broken pieces from the counter, and handed one to Tina. “Thank you.”

”You’re welcome.”

“How happy was she that you put her to bed?” Tina asked before placing the candy can in her mouth.

”I know. I love that moment before sleep takes over and she struggles to keep those lids open.”

“Me too. I just cannot believe how easy you got her to go to bed. She ….hey…where is everyone?”

When Tina and I returned to the living room, it was completely empty. The coats that we had hanging over the side of one of the chairs were gone.

“I don’t understand.” I was completely mystified by the absence of our friends. “Where did everyone go?”

”I don’t know.”

Tina walked back into the kitchen and picked up the piece of paper that Kit had left. She smiled and held it in the air, saying nothing until I joined her and took hold of it as well, reading it for myself.

Merry Christmas. May all your  
Christmas wishes come true.  
xoxo

I looked at Tina. It was one of those moments that words weren’t necessary. This was the woman who had my heart from hello, ten years ago. I wondered just how we had lost our way from one another, and why for so long. I was always a firm believer that in life, we end up where we are meant to be. That destiny and fate work hand in hand, and though we may not understand why our lives change, sometimes for the better, and sometimes not, that we are where we are suppose to be. For some, we never get to understand why. Others will see it clearly. Still I wondered, was my belief that we end up where we are suppose to be adopted to easily? Should I have fought that, and sought her with more drive and strength? I still wasn’t sure if my set of beliefs were the right ones, and maybe the truth was, that Tina and I needed to fall apart, rather far apart to see what we had in one another, in order to come back together more sure of our love and of the other. 

“I guess they must have thought that we wanted some time alone,” Tina said quietly, searching my eyes as I stood next to her.

“I guess they did. How do you feel about that?” As soon as I asked the question, I saw it. I knew that look all too well. She was looking for reassurance, something that would confirm I was aware of the language she spoke. Of course I was aware, it was far from a foreign language to me. Tina and I could tell one another an entire book in the silence of ourselves, and in this silence, there was a deep passion present in her loving eyes. 

“I would like some time alone with you. Absolutely.”

Tina reached for my hand, and as she walked just a slight bit ahead, she kept her hand behind her, leading me towards the sofa. There was a small part of me that didn’t want either of us to be caught up in the holiday spirit so much, that we found ourselves in this elated state, ready to say or do just about anything. My gut told me that it probably wasn’t the case, but I had to ask. “Tee…if it weren’t Christmas, and I came out for a visit…would we have sat like we did earlier and talked so openly, and with such ease?”

We both stopped and stood in front of the Christmas tree, as the white lights provided a silhouette of our bodies. “In my heart of hearts, I do believe we would have, yes. Are you worried that things were said out of …some holiday spirit or something?”

I nodded my head. I knew it was quite easy to let the joy of the season lead you in an emotional way.

“I can assure you, that although this time of year is one of the most precious times for loved ones to come together, put conflicts behind and look towards the brand new year as an opportunity for renewal, that isn’t the case. Bette…the truth is…” Tina tilted her head slightly and formed a smile that started at the corner of her lips and spread so the rest parted to reveal her pearly whites. “Baby I have wanted you for so long. That day, when you were going absolutely crazy because Jodi went to New York, and you wanted to know what you could write for a text message…you know…to make things right, do you remember?”

”Yes, I do. I remember thinking how lost for words I was, and how easy you seemed to find them.”

”Do you know why they were easy?”

I shook my head.

“They were easy, because they were words which were from my heart, to yours. They were words that I wished I could bring myself to say to you, before I had let you go out of my life. At the time, I didn’t say a word to you, because…well the truth is, I thought I truly had already lost you. I guess in a very unselfish way for once, I didn’t want to see you go through that to, if Jodi was the one you wanted to be with.”

I looked down at the floor a moment as I tried hard not to cry. I shook my head as I felt Tina’s hand touch the side of my face. “God Tee…why….why didn’t you say  
something?”

“Oh Bette…” Tina said, forcing her voice to form the words as she too started to get emotional. “I just wanted you to be happy. I didn’t think that I was capable of doing that for you anymore, and I suppose I felt I didn’t deserve that opportunity. You tried…god how you tried so many times to bring us back together.”

I felt the skin on my forehead tighten as my eyebrows distorted, fighting the emotion. My voice cracked when I spoke. “If you only knew. When you said those words to me, you just had no idea how much I wanted to hear you tell me that…not in the form of my writing a text to Jodi, but from your lips to me.”

“God we were so foolish Bette. Between moments of being stubborn, spiteful, and disregarding what our hearts were telling us…we couldn’t rise above it all to just speak from here,” Tina touched her heart with her free hand, while the other played with the curls that rested on my shoulder.

“I hope no one goes through what we did. My wish for this holiday season, is that those people who are struggling, recognize the base of what brought them together in the first place. For most everyone, it will come down to the same thing….love…plain and simple. A small word, but one which the rest of your world is built upon. To deny ones self that person, that relationship that completes them, is like having a piece of you die. I never want to feel that again Tee.”

”Neither do I baby,”

“God you have no idea how it feels when I hear you say that.”

”You must have heard it a lot,”

”I did. But it never seemed to do what it does when it comes from your mouth.”

Tina smiled at the thought that something so small between them, was something that no other love was able to duplicate. We stood there a moment, facing one another.

“Tee…”

”Shhh…I don’t think this requires us to speak.”

Tina took a step in closer, close enough that our thighs were touching, and took hold of both of my hands. She kissed each one of them as she closed her eyes, reveling in the moment, and recording it to her memory. I felt her soft lips brush against the back of each hand as her warm breaths expelled air lightly. I brought our hands towards her face, where she continued to hold onto mine as my hands slid on both sides of her face.

We both leaned in, and I’ll never forget it…no I’ll never forget that moment when our lips reunited after so long. I felt that we were a few feet off the ground, completely weightless. Our lips were definitely content merging as one again. We were responsible for the separation, and they were more than willing to get reacquainted as they left little room for us to separate and take in air. I felt her tongue playfully touch my lips, and I couldn’t help but moan. It was just too much emotion and feeling all at once. The adrenalin that had begun pumping through my body was feeding all my senses. It wasn’t long before our tongues began waging a long over due war, and I didn’t much care who was going to be the victor, because no matter who won, the other one wasn’t going to be left with any complaints. After a few minutes of intense kisses, we both pulled back for some air. I loved when her blonde hair would fall in front of her face during some of our most heated moments. It was the sexiest thing ever. This time, I had full permission to once again push it from her face.

“Mmmm…” Tina said as she licked her lips.

“What?”

“The best kind of kisses,” she replied.

“What are those?”

“Candy cane kisses my dear. I almost forgot what they tasted like. I remember the first time you made them and we kissed. It was so refreshing…like now.”

“That’s right…I remember. I had put too much peppermint extract in that batch, and it had lingered in our mouths that entire night.”

“Uh huh,” Tina said as her hands journeyed up and down my back. “I think…I want to recall a lot of those days.”

”So do I Tee.”

As we both smiled, Tina leaned in once more. I thought she was going to kiss me again, but this time she brought her mouth close to my ear where I felt her breath tickle my hair. “There’s a box that has been waiting to be opened by you for a very long time. When you think you are ready, I want you to know that it will be waiting for you and only you.”

She brought her mouth away from my ear and looked at me, hoping to read my response. “I think I too have a box nearby that has had your name on it…for probably just as long. I too, want you to know that when you want it…it’s yours.”

Tina arched her brow. I knew without a doubt that she had to be feeling as aroused as I was. “Well..how about we spend some time wrapping the rest of her gifts, and then…in the morning…before our daughter wakes and wants to see what Santa brought her, we can offer one another those presents that have had our names on them for awhile now?”

I couldn’t have agreed more with her. Rushing to bed in the heat of the moment, wasn’t always the answer, and in the morning, after sharing what I imagined would be a night of sharing even more intimate details about our past, and our future, we would be in an even better place when we woke up and made love. My hands roamed her waist as she wrapped her arms around my neck. 

“I love you so much Bette Porter.”

”I love you too TK.”

“I know you do…I know you do. Now how about some more candy cane kisses huh?”

A lot of wishes came true that Christmas, ours right at the top. I would never forget that trip home. Yes, I said home, because it’s true what they say when they say home is where your heart is. When I think about it, I guess maybe it just never left. It just took lots of adult communication, listening, taking responsibility for our actions, recognizing our failings, and of course…it all came together because of second chances and candy cane kisses. 

~ THE END ~

**© 2007 Chicki**

**Disclaimer:  
This Fan Fiction posting contains fictitious characters and a fictitious storyline. Most characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime Television. Readers must not modify, copy/plagiarize, disseminate, or take action in reliance upon it, unless permitted by the said author of this Fan Fiction posting. None of the materials provided on this Fan Fiction posting may be used, reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including the use of any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from author. **


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